It occurred to me last night that I usually write on this blog when I am burdened by something, and they have taken on a bit of a negative outlook. I really don't like that this is who I've let myself become. I used to be the one people asked, "Why are you always smiling?" Now it's more like, "Is everything okay?" This has to stop. It's not that I want to be fake, or that I'm going to gloss over everything, but when was the last time I talked about the good things in life?
Yesterday was a pretty good day for us. Bug woke up and had a shower first thing. She's a sensory seeker, so all that input starts her day off right. Bubba followed up with lots of Mommy cuddles, and Bear had a grin, rather than a scowl on her face when she joined us.
There was a little bit of a fight over breakfast, but it only lasted five minutes, not too bad.
Bug didn't look like she was feeling well, so she spent most of her morning, relaxing in bed. Bear ended up throwing up right after breakfast, but J was with her and I didn't have to participate in the clean up. I just got to snuggle with her afterwards. Bubba was kind and caring as usual and helped his sisters throughout the day.
Lunch time brought more struggles from the one who is pushing so hard right now, and they lasted quite a bit longer, but Mama never lost her cool - victory.
With the weather coming in, we had some prep work that we needed to do last night, and the munchkins all watched The Incredibles together. I only needed to ask if the movie needed to be stopped once, a record for our clan.
So, this is where I am today. I'm grateful for Bubba snuggles and the stories he tells at meals. I'm grateful that Bug wants to do everything Mama does. I'm grateful that Bear wants to climb all over me and smell my hair constantly. Today I am grateful.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
What to Do
What do you do when your heart tells you one thing, your mind tells you another, and there's no definitive direction in The Word?
We got the call yesterday that Bug is slated for five doctor appointments at The Autism Center to see if we can get a more specific diagnosis. But what's the point? Are they going to tell us anything we don't already know. Are they going to show us something that four years of therapy hasn't tried? Does sticking a label on her file make day-to-day life any easier?
We have yet another new therapist, and life is hard for everyone right now. She cannot handle having one more person try to direct her steps, and we are all paying for it in emotional upheaval. Is it worth this? How do you know the therapy will be worth it rather than the instrument that drives her heart further and further away?
Our hearts tell us firm discipline (guidance) and a whole lot of hugs is what she really needs, and we need to get all the doctors and therapists out of the picture. Oh, but our minds plague us. They remind us of the circumstances under which she came to be our daughter, circumstances that dealt with bio-parents not doing what the state felt needed to be done. Would that be us if we followed our hearts and did what we felt was right for our baby? Do we run the risk of losing her by trying to keep her heart at home?
We have no answers, only more questions. We want to be the parents our children need us to be, and I for one, am in such turmoil about just what that is that I am nearly paralyzed with the fear of doing it wrong.
I know that God gave us these children, and that He felt we would be the best parents for them, and they the best kiddos for us, but how does that play out when the pressure from without is so strangling at times?
Would you pray with us? Would you pray that our hearts would be calm and our decisions would be wise?
We got the call yesterday that Bug is slated for five doctor appointments at The Autism Center to see if we can get a more specific diagnosis. But what's the point? Are they going to tell us anything we don't already know. Are they going to show us something that four years of therapy hasn't tried? Does sticking a label on her file make day-to-day life any easier?
We have yet another new therapist, and life is hard for everyone right now. She cannot handle having one more person try to direct her steps, and we are all paying for it in emotional upheaval. Is it worth this? How do you know the therapy will be worth it rather than the instrument that drives her heart further and further away?
Our hearts tell us firm discipline (guidance) and a whole lot of hugs is what she really needs, and we need to get all the doctors and therapists out of the picture. Oh, but our minds plague us. They remind us of the circumstances under which she came to be our daughter, circumstances that dealt with bio-parents not doing what the state felt needed to be done. Would that be us if we followed our hearts and did what we felt was right for our baby? Do we run the risk of losing her by trying to keep her heart at home?
We have no answers, only more questions. We want to be the parents our children need us to be, and I for one, am in such turmoil about just what that is that I am nearly paralyzed with the fear of doing it wrong.
I know that God gave us these children, and that He felt we would be the best parents for them, and they the best kiddos for us, but how does that play out when the pressure from without is so strangling at times?
Would you pray with us? Would you pray that our hearts would be calm and our decisions would be wise?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)