Confession Time

Confession Time

My biggest struggle internally is with prayer. People ask me to pray for them, and I do, but what does that mean? I feel like I'm just going through the motions. What is prayer really? I would tell my children that it's talking to God. Yet, I've rarely felt like it was much of a conversation. Usually, it's a list of thank You-s, forgive me-s, and could You please help that person-s. It's rote. It's expected. It's sincere, but it's flat.

I have read many passages dealing with prayer. I've heard many sermons outlining the portions of The Lord's Prayer or admonishing Christians to pray more, but I still don't understand my part in prayer. If it's to align me to God's will then, I suppose I'm practically there. If it's His will, it will or won't happen, and there's not a lot I can do about it, so I guess I'll just keep trudging along. I know in my heart this can't be what He wants from me, but I struggle with how to move from this position.

Many have suggested that if I want Bear or Bug to "get better," I need to pray believing that God will do it, perhaps suggesting that if I just had enough faith, I could change these circumstances. But who am I to say that this isn't exactly what God had in mind, that through these very circumstances, we would all become whom He had in mind for us to be. That's the rub of it. There seems to be a belief that God is like a genie in a bottle waiting to grant wishes if we only believe enough, if we only pray enough, or there is the other extreme which says there is no point in prayer because God will do what God will do, and we will be blessed by it either way.

How do I move to a point where I feel like I'm really conversing with a friend? Read your Bible more, April. Pray more, April. I know these wrote answers, but what does that really mean?

I can't be the only one who struggles with this. If you'd like to join me, I'm about to embark on a search for the meaning of prayer and my role in it.

Today, I started in Genesis looking at why people prayed. Here are few of the passages from the first three books of the Old Testament.

• For Healing (Genesis 20:7, 17-18, Numbers 12:13)
• For Deliverance (Genesis 32:9-12)
• To Remind God of His Promises (Genesis 32:9-12, Exodus 34:9)
• For Forgiveness (Exodus 32:31-34, 34:9)
• For Guidance (Exodus 33:13-17, 34:9)
• To Know God More (Exodus 33:13-17)

Then I spent time praying, pouring out my confusion and lack of understanding to my Heavenly Father.

I'm not done yet, and I plan to study and pray more as I go.