Stepping Down

Growing up, I often heard my mother say that people needed to just learn to say no because there's only so much you can do. Albeit unwittingly, my mother set the bar for busyness very high. She worked a full time job while caring for a husband and six children, played the piano for church, served on the PTO/PTA at the local elementary school, and frequently sought out what she could do for other people.

So, when I became the mom, it was only natural that I should be able to homeschool, lead Bible study, plan the music portion of the worship service, sing on the worship team, and volunteer to help out whenever and wherever I could. The only problem is that I'm not my mom. I'm not even remotely an even-tempered, go-with-the-flow kind of girl. More often than not, I see myself as a failed perfectionist, quite the conundrum, I assure you.

Several months ago, I spoke with a dear friend who also has adopted children, and during that conversation she told me how she and her husband had to step back from being involved in their church other than to attend services in order to focus on their eldest son. While I could appreciate her rationale, I truly didn't understand why it would be necessary, that is until recently.

For several months, I have known that our schedule was getting too hectic: four hours at church on Sundays including set-up and tear-down since we are part of a church plant that meets in a school, occupational and physical therapy for Bear on Tuesday mornings, library for Bubba and Bug on Tuesday mornings, Bible Study at our home on Tuesday evenings, AWANA at a sister church on Wednesday evenings, occupational therapy and speech for Bear on Thursday mornings, not to mention doctor appointments and the fact that both Bug and Bear now have ABA therapy three times a week at our home. However, I did not want to give up what I was doing. It's not like I was spending time scrapbooking or cross-stitching. I was doing things like planning worship services and preparing Bible studies. How can that be bad?

Then I looked at my children. My children, who were getting fussed at for not being still during the church service when they'd already been there nearly three hours. My children, whom I became aggrivated with each Tuesday afternoon because their toys were all over the house; didn't they know we had people coming over? My children who desperately wanted me to see the next level they had reached on their online reading program, but I was too busy making sure the music would flow with the scripture the pastor had chosen for his sermon. Then I looked at my children and remembered that "Children are an heritage from the Lord." (Psalm 127:3) Being a mom is not about being busy, even in church life. It's about raising children who learn to love God because that is what they have seen in you.

So, I'm stepping down. My hubby will still be helping with setup each Sunday, but the children and I will try to enjoy a nice snuggle before we head out to Sunday School. You'll still hear me singing songs of praise planned by someone else, but I'll be sitting with my children. In a couple of months, this Bible study will be over and the new one starting will be at someone else's home. For now, I need to just be a mom, a busy one to be sure, but one who is focusing inward on her family.

You know, I had a talk with my own mother the other night, and she very gently informed me that when we children were little, she was not so busy. She was just our mommy. Maybe I can be like my mom after all.